A Quiet Kind of Openness During Secondary Infertility
Lately I’ve been thinking about IVF in a very different way than I expected.
Not obsessively. Not urgently.
Just… quietly.
I’ve done two cycles of IUI, and both failed. After my second IUI, my fertility doctor mentioned trying another round—except this time I would take a pill alongside giving myself injections.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
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I’ve thought about doing another round of IUI, but I’ve also considered skipping a third IUI and moving straight to IVF.
Aside from occasionally thinking about IVF, I honestly haven’t been thinking too much about fertility treatments lately.
Life has just been… life.
Staying Grounded While Facing Secondary Infertility
Although I am open to having another child, it’s not something I focus on constantly anymore.
Before realizing I had secondary infertility, I used to think about another baby all the time. I’d think about my fertile week, the timing, the lube, different positions—everything. My mind was always calculating and planning.
But those things don’t weigh heavily on my mind anymore.
Instead, I’ve been trying to focus on the life I already have—my little family—and making sure I don’t take my daughter for granted.
I’ve started savoring small things more—like reading books with her before bed or holding her hand when we walk in public. One day she’ll be 17 and probably won’t want to do those things with me anymore. Thinking about that reminds me how temporary this stage of life really is.
That thought makes me slow down and really appreciate the moments we have right now.
That said, IVF does occasionally slip into my mind—especially now that summer is approaching.
When I did my first two rounds of IUI, they were during the school year. As a substitute teacher, it was physically exhausting trying to make all of my appointments while driving through traffic and still working. (You can read more about that here.)
Because of that, my husband and I decided that if I were to do another round of treatment, it would likely be during the summer when school is out.
Considering IVF: Thoughts During the Secondary Infertility Journey
Fast forward to now: March 2026.
Summer is getting closer, so every now and then IVF pops into my mind.
To be honest, I don’t know a lot about IVF. I know eggs are retrieved and evaluated, and if there’s a good one it’s combined with sperm and eventually placed back into the body.
Beyond that, I haven’t done a ton of research yet.
Part of me feels like if we decide to move forward with it, I’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
I’m also not sure if my insurance would cover it. From what I understand, IVF can be very expensive, and sometimes there are certain criteria you have to meet before insurance will approve it—like trying IUI first.
So for now, IVF mostly exists in my mind as a possibility.
Being Open to IVF Without Pressure: My Secondary Infertility Perspective
My husband and I haven’t made any definite decisions about IVF, but we are both open to it.
For me, after almost three years of trying (three years in April, to be exact), leaving IVF as a possibility matters. Sometimes I feel like if I tried IVF, I could at least say that I tried everything when it came to expanding our family.
At the same time, I’m also really proud of myself.
I feel like I’ve come a long way since the beginning of this journey three years ago.
Our family hasn’t physically grown into a family of four, but in many ways we have grown. We’ve grown in being present with each other. We’ve grown in appreciating the small moments. We’ve grown in learning how to enjoy the life we already have.
For now, I’m allowing myself to stay in this in-between space – not needing to have the answer yet.
I don’t know if I’ll do IVF this summer.
But I am open to it.
And right now, that feels like enough.
If you’re in this quiet in-between space too, I hope you know you’re not alone.
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