Living with the Uncertainty of Secondary Infertility
About two to three times a year, my husband has to travel out of town for work conferences, meetings, or retreats. When he’s gone, I’m “solo parenting” and in charge of everything—cooking, cleaning, school drop-offs and pick-ups, and putting our daughter to bed. Even when it’s only for three or four days, solo parenting is exhausting (hats off to all the single parents).
You don’t have to carry this alone.
If you’re navigating secondary infertility, I created 5 gentle, free journal prompts to help you process your emotions and find a moment of calm in your TTC journey.
This is a typeable PDF, so you can write directly in it—no printing needed.
👉 Download your free journal prompts here.
When my husband came home from his most recent trip and we were all reunited at the dinner table, I remember thinking, this is perfect. My husband was being silly, doing anything he could to make our daughter laugh. In that moment, it dawned on me that this might be it—that we might not physically grow our family with another child.
But this time, when I had that thought, there was no bitterness. Just happiness and gratitude for what I already have.
Don’t get me wrong, though. It took me a long time to get here.
If you’re experiencing secondary infertility, I feel you—and I see you.
The Emotional Rollercoaster of Secondary Infertility
Secondary infertility is a complicated experience. When my husband and I first started trying to conceive again, I often felt opposing emotions at the same time. I felt overwhelming gratitude for my daughter, while also feeling deep sadness that I hadn’t conceived another child yet.
If this sounds like you, know that these feelings are common—and you are not alone.
The Fear of Not Knowing If You’ll Ever Be Pregnant Again
In the first few months of trying, I was excited. I wanted so badly to see a positive pregnancy test again and to recreate the feelings I had when I was pregnant with my first.
But as time went on, that excitement started to fade. I began to wonder if I’d ever be pregnant again. That thought scared me. I had read that in order to conceive, you should “believe in your family growing”—almost like manifesting the future. Instead of saying if I get pregnant, you’re supposed to say when I get pregnant.
I remember nervously thinking, Would wondering if I’ll ever get pregnant hurt my chances of conceiving?
It sounds silly now, but secondary infertility made my thoughts spiral in ways I never expected.
Letting Go of Control During Secondary Infertility
I used to track everything—using ovulation sticks and paying close attention to my body—but after about two years, I was exhausted both mentally and emotionally. So I let go. I stopped trying to control the outcome of becoming pregnant.
Instead, I focused on what I could control: staying active, eating a balanced diet, and doing what I needed to do to stay present and be a good mom to my daughter.
I think this is the first time I’m admitting it out loud, but I’ve accepted that my family of three may stay exactly that—a family of three. And while I’ve accepted that reality, I would still graciously and happily welcome another child into my life. I just don’t live in constant focus on trying to get pregnant anymore.
Finding Peace While Living with Secondary Infertility
That’s the thing about secondary infertility—it’s possible to feel more than one emotion at once. Except now, instead of feeling joy and grief side by side, I feel joy, love, and openness. Openness to the life I have, and openness to the possibility of expanding our family with another child if that’s what happens.
Practicing gratitude and staying present is how I got to where I am today—by noticing the small, ordinary moments that make up our life now, and choosing to live fully in the life in front of me.
If you’re walking through secondary infertility and need a quiet space to process it all, these prompts are for you.
Download 5 free, typeable journal prompts designed to help you reflect, release, and find a little calm—one page at a time.
👉 Download your free prompts here.
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